Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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