I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
