i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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