So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize