I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
