I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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