i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
