He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
