dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize