I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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