Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't trust your balls anymore.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
