I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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