How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
