My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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