Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
