I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
