thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
