just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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