he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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