just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
