All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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