He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
