just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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