genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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