Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
