Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
