Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
