Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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