the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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