my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
