That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
