I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
