can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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