we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
