I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
