my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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