i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
