No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize