I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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