we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize