We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
