sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
