I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
