She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
