What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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