I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
