k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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