i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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