He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
