It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
