I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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