i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
