You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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