shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
