I accidentally burped into my bong.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
