i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
