so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
