is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
