Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
