Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
