she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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