So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
