Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
