oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
