My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Will you blow on my dice?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
