I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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