turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
