I want to have your abortion
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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