Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we're making bets on your personal life
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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