he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
